Dear Dustin King,

Dustin,

I don't know who you are, but apparently you had my cell phone number before I did. And even though it has been well over a year since I've had this number, I still get calls and texts for you. It seems you were quite the ladies man. Let me share a recent conversation via text messages I just had with what I assume is one of your many she-admirers:

Person: Dustin?
Me: Wrong number. (This seems simple enough, should be the end of the conversation, right? Wrong.)
Person: This isn't Dustin King? (Ok, seriously? Do you think giving me the last name is going to change anything? My theory is that you are a psycho-obsessed teenage girl that poor Dustin King slept with once, and now you are stalking him. Here's the thing: THIS IS MY PHONE NUMBER NOW. NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU CALL IT, IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE DUSTIN KING'S NUMBER AGAIN! EVER!)
Me: No, I have had this number for over a year now. If you talk to this Dustin person, would you please tell him to inform everyone that this is no longer his phone? I am tired of getting his calls. (This took two text messages to send.)
Person: Sry (How mush work is it to throw in an extra "or"? So, you're "sry"? Well, you certainly should be "sry", because this conversation should have ended after your first text message. And I am not much of a texter, I don't even have a texting plan on my phone(MY phone, NOT Dustin's), therefore... each text costs me $0.20. Your stupidity officially cost me $1.20, so thanks a lot.

So Dustin, as horrible as I feel for you that you have a stalker, I really can't get involved - I have enough drama in my own life. Could you please inform everyone you know that you have changed your number? Thanks so much.

Trina Okerson