Postpartum

I went to the doctor on Monday to talk about some of my thyroid symptoms. I have all of the normal symptoms of someone who is hypothyroid:

Exhausted, want to sleep all day
Insomnia
Can't lose weight
Body aches
Moodiness, depression
And so on

I know my body, and I absolutely know that all my symptoms are because of my thyroid.

My doctor had other ideas. If you could even call him a doctor, he was a Nurse Practitioner.

He told me that my TSH levels were normal. Ignoring that fact that they are in the high end of what he has decided is "normal." Apparently there is no way that any of my symptoms could be from my thyroid.

His diagnosis? Postpartum depression. I almost laughed out loud when he said that. My son is 26 months old, and I have postpartum depression? Are you serious? Come on!! Of course I get depressed sometimes. If you felt completely exhausted and wanted to sleep all day long, had no energy and couldn't lose weight, wouldn't that make you a little depressed occasionally? And I'm sorry, two years after your child is born, it can no longer be called postpartum. Maybe post-postpartum.

And when I told him about the research I have done on my condition, he gave me a long lecture about how I can't believe every thing I read on the internet and he went to college for many years blah blah blah. He said he didn't like it when his patients did that. Seriously? If I were a doctor, I would want my patients to research their conditions, not just blindly and ignorantly accept everything I say as law.

And he gave me 11 refills of Prozac. That seems overkill to me. He is going to be really pissed when I tell him that I didn't fill the prescription.

Had to bitch a bit!

Trina

Christmas Shoes

You know that really sappy Christmas song about the boy who wanted to buy some Christmas shoes for his dying mother? And then they made a retarded TV movie about it? Well, I, too, have my own story of Christmas shoes. It may not be as touching, but here goes:

For Christmas, my brother-in-law that lives in New York sent everyone presents. When I opened my present, it was a pair of shoes. They are cute - brown leather flats with black trim and little hearts, stars, and circles on them. I do like them and wear them frequently.

Now, Mike works at Marc Jacobs, the designer, in New York. My shoes are from Marc Jacobs. Mike also accidentally left the price tag on the bottom of the shoes:

$325.

OH MY GOD. I have never spent more than $20 on pair of shoes. Never. I think I almost had a heart attack.

Most of the time we can barely pay our bills, have hardly any groceries, and almost never have extra money. Yet I have a $325 pair of shoes. I don't think my feet are worthy to wear $325 shoes!! If I'm being honest, eBay did cross my mind. I bet I could make $200 off these at least! haha. I wouldn't do that, though. I just have to pretend that they only cost him $20. That would mean he got about a 94% discount, so I seriously doubt it.

These shoes better last 17 years. lol.

I'll post a picture of them later... I'm sure you're all insanely jealous. lol.

Two Poems

Liar
I looked into your eyes,
Straight into your eyes
and I lied.

You looked back at me
accepted my words as truth
But you knew.
We just went on like it never happened-
it didn't happen.

It took many tears to face this
it took much anger and bitterness
and forgiveness.

Somehow we survived,
You and I.
Now I look into your eyes,
straight into your eyes.

Perceive
I perceive you as I do,
you're just a man.
perceptions can be deceiving.
As much as I would like to pretend to understand you-
I cannot see your heart, your thoughts, your soul...
Doubt creeps in often.
life steals away little peices of us.
We hurt eachother.
We tread on,
stumbling along.
And I love you
Whatever that word means-
However your recieve it-
I love you.

My Vase

Tears in my eyes.
Broken on the ground my vase lies;
and it held many things
dear to me.

I'll never piece it back together.
The shards are small and they're all scattered.
All it's wonders are shattered.

How beautiful it was!
Constructed in my darkest hours;
and filled with painstakingly concocted tales
Of places I've never been-
songs I've never sung-
battles I haven't won-
Of a life I haven't lived.

And without my flagon of lies,
who am I?
And now that everyone can see,
what must they think of me?

I close my eyes.
I breathe deep.
I had to break it.
I had to.
In my world of lies
the time has come for truth.

Me

Readers,

This is a diary of the life and times of Trina.

Personally, I think I am very funny. Nay, Hilarious! The problem is that I tend to be the only one who thinks that. I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I am trying to make new friends, trying to learn not to be such a social fuck-up.

In 2004, the summer after I graduated High School, I married Josh. Josh is the most amazing, wonderful, kind, intelligent person I have ever met. He is also a huge nerd. For all you single women out there who are looking for husband material, I highly suggest going to, let's say, a Star Trek convention. Or a Star Wars costume contest. What I am trying to tell you is that nerds make the greatest husbands. Sure, they may laugh like convulsing hyenas, and talk about computer games for hours and hours... and hours and hours and hours... but they make up for it in a million other ways.

So, back to my bio.

I married the summer after highschool, and found that I was pregnant six months later. I saw no reason to attend school because I was going to write award winning fantasy/science fiction novels and live off the royalties forever. So now I am a 23 year-old freshman. I still think college is overrated and will not hesitate to quit if something better comes along. Or if I win the lottery.

Aidan was born on November 17th, 2005. It took me a long time to balance being a mother and still being myself. And, let me tell you, being a mother is not the beautiful fantasy world that so many women make it out to be. Babies cry. Babies poop. Babies demand. Did I mention that babies cry? It didn't take long for me to fall in love with that crying little wrinkled up thing, though. And now I have an adorable little two-year-old.

And who I am? To sum it all up in a few words: I'm insane. I'll elaborate for you, because I have nothing better to do. I'm awkward and strange when I meet people. I say every little thought that pops into my head. (That wouldn't be so bad if I had normal thoughts.) I live in a fantasy world most of the time. I strongly dislike scotch tape. I always want everyone to like me, but I usually end up getting on everyone's nerves. I tell jokes and no one laughs but me. I will randomly break into hysterical laughter over something that I remember from yesterday. I am very lax about neatness and sometimes even personal hygiene(I'm sorry, but showering every day is just excessive.) I stand in the middle on most issues. I don't believe in global warming, the temperature of the earth has always been sporadic. I think that all of my health problems are caused by my thyroid. I tell random people about my thyroid problem because I don't want them to think I'm fat just because I'm lazy. I could go on, but when I get tired my brain gets all fuzzy and its hard to think... probably has something to do with my thyroid as well...

Sorry for that boring little bio, I had to get that out of the way though. I'll start posting soon.

Much love!

Trina